he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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