That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
