If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
how does that bad decision feel?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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