i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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