How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
