ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
