i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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