I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just blew my weed a kiss
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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