i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
