Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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