Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I look better un-naked...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
