the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
