he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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