Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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