I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
