I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize