Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
