Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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