If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
