does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
