and you said cock pushups were impossible
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
