she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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