after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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