so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
