I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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