I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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