Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
