You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
