i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
