I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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