Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
