...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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