did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...