he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure