Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."