How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have already put on my inside pants.