Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby