Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.