I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.