Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
