My first STD was from a foam party
barbara walters just said penis...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
