life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.