ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
singing on the bus should be illegal
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me