question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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