I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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