Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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