i think my tv is drunk
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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