I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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