I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
