singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
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Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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