I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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