I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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