I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
