my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
