with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
