His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
