I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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