he shaved USA in his pubs
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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