dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
