Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
kristin has been a bad kristin
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
