You really coming over, don't trick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
