"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
