I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My cat gives me a boner
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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