I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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