Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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