"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
