I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
