just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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