somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
