And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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