Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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